Hey, everyone. Dustin here. A few people have asked why I haven't been releasing any music recently, so I wanted to give an update on why that is, what's been going on with me, and what my plans for the future are.
Since late 2017, I've been dealing with severe depression -- formally diagnosed as major depressive disorder. This depression was originally sparked by emotional abuse I experienced from someone I considered a very close and trusted friend at the time. Over the years, through interactions with several other people who violated my trust and leveraged my depression and anxiety to take advantage of me, it worsened since then. People who I looked up to and respected also stigmatized my depression, which also contributed to it. The COVID-19 pandemic also contributed to this depression thanks to increased social anxiety and my job at the time laying me off (along with half of my co-workers). I hit a breaking point in late 2023 when I experienced a significant amount of abuse and harassment from several members of a particular fandom community. I also fell into heavy drug use to cope with this depression after my cat, Enoch, died of kidney failure. All of those combined experiences nearly brought me to the point of suicidal ideation, prevented only thanks to my robust support system of friends and family.
Because of the combination of those traumatizing events and the severe impact they had on my mental health, as well as the creative fatigue that resulted, I decided to take a hiatus from music production in early 2024. Since then, I shifted focus almost entirely to taking care of myself and my mental health. Thanks to the aforementioned support system of family and friends, my recovery from those traumatic events has progressed very well. I still have a ways to go, as I'm finding out almost every time I try to return to regular social media use or music production, but I'm doing significantly better than I ever have since 2017.
However, a lot has changed in other aspects of my life since then. My new job, though paying significantly better than any job I've ever had before (nearly twice as much per hour as what I charged for music composition), now takes up a larger portion of my time and energy than any other job I've had before. Because of this, I haven't found much time or energy to deal with the tech issues my music production rig has been having -- let alone time to actually make music. So even though my mental health state is in a much better place now since I announced my hiatus, getting back into music production has… hit some snags.
I had originally planned on returning to music production in 2025 after getting accustomed to my new job, but circumstances have prevented me from doing that in full. However, I am still planning on getting back to it. I'm starting to iron out a few of those issues with my production setup, so a few tracks I have been working on since 2018 or so will be releasing as I finish them. The biggest issue right now is a space to record vocals -- a problem that I still actually haven't figured out a solution for. But in the meantime, my old rig is still in a state where I will at least be able to get some older tracks out.
However, aside from these few tracks, I am still planning on continuing my hiatus. And this one's for me.
After the absolute hell of the last 8 years, I feel like I've earned a bit of a break. So I'm going to do that. I've found myself in a very comfortable financial position where I can basically afford to do just about anything I want -- which is something I've never had before — so I'm going to sit back and enjoy that for a while. I've been focusing a lot more on the friends and family who helped me through those years, and being able to do fun stuff with them has been healing. I've found a new passion in theme parks — Disney parks especially — and being able to take multiple trips a year is honestly pretty much all I want to do for the rest of my life now, so I'm doing as much of that as I possibly can. And the gaming! Ah, so much gaming. So many great games coming out right now, and revisiting some of my old favorites has really done wonders to bring back that whimsy I lost to trauma. My cat, Kwazii, is getting up there in the years and has had a few health issues recently, so I want to spend as much time with him as possible. I've also developed a few physical health issues of my own (trigger finger in both hands, makes it hard to play guitar), so I'll need time to address those too.
Life is getting better, but I'm still healing. So instead of fighting against the current and chancing re-immersion into same circumstances that brought on my depression in the first place, I'm going to go with the current flow of my life and just enjoy it for a while. Lifemaxxing.
To be clear: This does not mean I'm quitting music. Absolutely not. Zero chance. Technically, I’m not even stopping; just really slowing it down. There's still so, so much I want to do. But I want to be in a much better state than I am now when I come back to it. And when I do come back to it, I want it to be for the right reasons and with the right people, because I spent way too much time over the last few years making music for the wrong reasons with the wrong people.
I'll also still be directing an OverClocked ReMix album during this time and creating at least one track for it, so keep an eye out for that, because that whole thing's gonna be awesome.
As for my online presence during this time, I don't expect there will be much of one. Social media is still a hot stove for me. That may change before I start releasing music again, but I honestly doubt it. So Discord will be the best way to stay in touch with me.
Saving the best for last: Thank you to everyone who has supported me over the last few years -- whether it was standing up to people online who were trying to bully me, being someone I could talk to and confide in, playing games with me (shout out to the Tentasquad! Miss ya!), or just leaving a positive comment on my tracks. All of these things really helped keep me going while I was going through it, and I appreciate you all so much.
See ya when I see ya. In the meantime, I’m mentally here:
